


All That Glitters Is Not Gold

by LilyTheNinjaGirl



Category: Free!, Free! Iwatobi Swim Club - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Happy ending though, Maybe - Freeform, So much angst, Sousuke angst, bittersweet really, haru angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 11:30:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13166013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyTheNinjaGirl/pseuds/LilyTheNinjaGirl
Summary: Iwatobi Swim Club Free! Short Fic. No gay ships, sorry :( Plenty of heavy bromance though. Angst, lots of angst. Rated T for heavy angst only, maybe mild language from our sassy Rin later. Description: Water is unpredictable. Dangerous. It's beautiful and enjoyable, but it is also deadly and unmerciful. After all, All That Glitters Is Not Gold.





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set right at the beginning of Haru's freestyle race at the end of Episode 9 in Eternal Summer (Season 2) (the one where he stands up). This is an alternate ending. I have no idea where this idea came from *starts laughing* *starts crying*

**All That Glitters Is Not Gold**

Iwatobi Swim Club Free! Oneshot

By LilyTheNinjaGirl

Haruka Nanase placed his goggles over his eyes and squeezed them into place. Despite being dressed in only a swimsuit, he was sweating. He placed one foot and then the other onto the platform and crouched forward. Looking up, he felt the neon lights bear through his cerulean eyes. Whereas he normally felt transparent and carefree in this position, suddenly he felt really heavy, as if something was weighing him down.

A whistle blew. Haru felt his muscles tense automatically, and he nearly spazzed in a knee-jerk response. Something was wrong. He was never tense before a race. Cramps? He hadn't eaten anything since his breakfast. A second whistle blew. With sudden panic, Haru realized that his breathing was coming in short gasps. He desperately drew in and released long breaths, trying to slow down his heart beat like every amateur swimmer knew was incredibly important to do. It didn't help. His breathing kept getting more and more shallow. He nearly choked as the final whistle blew, but he thrust himself forward anyway.

His position of entry was wrong. So very wrong, and he knew it. It was an unwelcome feeling, one that he had never experienced before. His angle of entry had always been perfect. It shook him.

" _What is wrong with me_?" he thought desperately, thrusting his hands forward and trying to pull himself forward in the water faster. If anything, he moved slower.

Back in the stands, Gou and Coach Sasabe were screaming their lungs off cheering for him. Rei was leaning over the balcony, a tense look on his face. Makoto was intently watching Haru fall slightly more behind the other swimmers.

"His entry angle was off," Rei muttered.

"And he's losing ground," Makoto responded quietly. Nagisa threw himself in between them.

"Come on guys! I bet Haru is doing it on purpose! He'll let everyone else get overconfident, and then BAM! He'll sweep in for the win and impress the scouts! Cheer him on!" Nagisa shouted. Makoto looked away. Unless Haru had a sudden change of heart, that seemed like the last thing that would happen.

Meanwhile, Rin was scowling from where he stood with the rest of the Sumezuka team, a few feet away from the pool's edge. What was that idiot doing? He knew that there were major scouts here, who were undoubtedly going to be keeping their eyes on him! He felt irritation well up inside of him as he watched Haru lose ground.

In the pool, Haru wasn't worried about how far behind he was falling. He dragged himself forward, and every movement made his muscles burn a little more. His legs felt like they were filled with lead, and his chest was about to collapse. He desperately pushed himself forward. His mind was reeling. It was like the water was holding him  _back_. He could feel himself being dragged down. His chest was burning. He was only half-way through the first lap.

His air supply was getting lower and lower. He was drawing in less air every time he tilted his head. His heart was pumping too fast, using the oxygen far too quickly. His lungs throbbed. Spots began to appear in his vision, twisting the beautiful blue of the water into a whirlwind of blurred colors. He couldn't tell which way was up and which way was down.

He twisted his head in one last attempt to suck in a lungful of air… Only to nearly swallow several mouthfuls of chlorinated water. His nose burned and he began to choke on the water, only to have more enter his mouth. When had his goggles slipped off? He fought for air, only to be beat down again and again. He couldn't move his arms or legs anyway. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he should curl up and try to float, but he was so tired. So, so tired…

The water wrapped its greedy grasp around him, yanking him down, down, down. His vison started to fade. He tried to thrash around, but to no avail. He had wasted his energy beforehand. The pool was only about 7 feet deep, but to Haru it seemed as bottomless as the ocean. Everything hurt, everything burned.  _The water betrayed him_. That was his last thought before he slipped into unconsciousness.

Rei had a feeling that something was wrong with Haru, and that feeling was slowly becoming a reality. He watched as Haru swam slower and slower. It didn't seem like his friend was able to bring his head to the side for air often enough. Rei's stomach twisted in knots. Haru was normally beautiful and free when he swam. Now he seemed almost burdened, like someone had tied an anchor to him. Rei began to panic slightly as Haru reached the halfway mark of the pool while every other competitor was preparing to turn.

Behind him, Gou's cheers had dwindled down and now she sat staring at the pool, her eyes widening a bit. Coach Sasabe scratched his head, and Ms. Amakata looked very concerned. Rei watched Haru slow to almost a dead halt, and when he turned he saw that even Nagisa had a look of extreme worry on his face. Even worse than that, when he caught Rei watching him he didn't even force a smile.

Nothing, however, could compare to the look on Makoto's face. Makoto, who was normally so confident and easy-going. It brought Rei back to the night two years ago during training camp. It brought back the memory of the cold waves slapping his body, threatening to drag him under. He could taste the salt from the ocean in his mouth. And Makoto's face had reverted to that same, fearful, monstrous look that Rei had seen only once before, that fearful night. His pupils had shrunk and the green in his eyes glinted dangerously.

Rei turned back to the pool, heart pounding. " _Surely Haru is alright. He's going to stand up any minute now. It's a cramp. Or he's just being stubborn again and refusing to swim for the scouts. It'll all be okay. It'll all be okay,"_ he told himself over and over again.

The entire stadium was dead silent, save for the splashes of the other swimmers as they passed the now nearly still Haruka, oblivious.

"His feet will touch the bottom any minute now," Nagisa said softly, holding back tears. He was crushing Rei's hand in his own. Seconds felt like hours. Haru stopped moving. The rippling water made it unclear as to what was going on. Finally, it was clear that Haru was not okay.

"HARUKA!" Makoto screamed, in a voice so fearful and shrill that it made Rei want to throw up. He grabbed Makoto's shoulder to keep the boy from scrambling over the balcony and attempting to drop 30 feet. He looked so desperate that he wasn't thinking straight. Makoto shoved Rei off of him and back against the bleachers, snarling. Nagisa grabbed Makoto's arm and dragged him towards the stairs to the pool deck.

Before Makoto even started moving, before the state-required pool life-guard had woken up from his nap and realized that a professional swimmer appeared to be drowning, Rin was sprinting towards the pool with reckless abandon. He dove in and swam through six lanes, his stroke tearing up the pool as he raced to get to Haru.

Haru, who appeared to be unconscious and had been underwater for far too long. Rin grabbed Haru's hand and pulled him above surface. As he broke the water's surface, the chlorinated water mixed with the tears that were streaming down his face as he frantically dragged his friend to the edge of the pool. Haru was completely limp, his head falling into the crevice in Rin's neck. Makoto, Rei, and Nagisa helped pull Haru out from the water and lay him on the tile surrounding the pool. Rin jumped out and threw himself next to his best friend and childhood idol.

Rei had already started CPR, knowing exactly what to do. After several minutes, Haru still hadn't responded. The pool medic finally arrived with a defibrillator, and yelled at everyone to clear the area. Nagisa gently pulled Rin a few paces back and started sobbing into his chest. Rei and Makoto soon joined in, hugging each other. Nitori looked hopelessly at his team captain and the three sobbing boys surrounding him.

Suddenly, Haru began heaving and throwing up water. Rin and Makoto threw themselves down on the ground, while Rei and Nagisa continued to hug each other and cry. Haru's body jerked as he wracked and his lungs tried to clear himself of water. His eyelids fluttered for a half a second before he went limp again. His skin was pale and his breathing came in labored spasms. Makoto clung to Haru for all he was worth, until the medical team finally forced him aside so that they could lift the unconscious teen into a stretcher.

Rin was in a daze as he watched it all happen. Everything was kind of blurry and unreal. His tears made his vision worse, but his heart felt numb. He was the one who pushed Haru, he was always the one who pushed Haru! Who lectured him about his future and who made him race today. This was his fault if Haru didn't make it.

Nagisa reached over and brushed Haru's bangs out of his eyes before the medics turned and left, heading for the ambulance and taking their fallen brother with them. Nagisa collapsed into a little ball on the ground. The pool security came down and tried to escort everyone back to a more private area. Rin didn't follow the others. He sat himself down on a bench in the stadium.

The rest of the days swimming events came and went. Whistles blowing, people cheering, the slapping sound of the swimmers' bodies against the water. Rin heard none of it. Nitori, Momo, Gou, and Soususke all came over and tried to talk to him. He angrily shoved them away. He kept his head buried in his hands and refused to meet their eyes.

He only left when the pool security came and told him that they were closing and locking the stadium. Rin turned to leave, but before he went he stopped and stared at the pool. This was the water that Haruka was so addicted to. This was the water that had nearly killed him. Rin felt a surge of anger. He longed to lash out, to punch the water, to strangle the breath out of it like it did to Haru. But you can't hurt water. The water doesn't care.

Rin turned on his heel and stomped out of the stadium, his heart throbbing and his eyes brimming with tears he refused to let fall.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I'm still getting over Writer's Block but here we go! This might be a threeshot! Not sure yet.
> 
> Anyway I decided to back up a bit. This chapter is everything that happened the day before Haru's race, which was last chapter. Call it a sort of prequel.
> 
> IMPORTANT: Some of the timeline has been altered. For example, Haru doesn't go on a run before Rin shows up. Also, Rin yells at Haru before his race (because of the alternate ending to the race in the last chapter, Rin doesn't have a chance to yell at him after). Also Haru and Mako google searched news headlines and school newspapers and they know what happened to Sousuke in detail. I thought it would make things more interesting *smirk*
> 
> Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own this anime. I have a great respect for the people who do, because it's amazing. Some of the dialogue will look familiar though

**Chapter 2**

A DAY EARLIER

Rin made his way down the hallway, hoping that he had gotten correct information on Haruka and Makoto's room number. He found 362 and knocked on the door. Makoto answered it, hair dripping wet and a towel slung over his shoulders. "Ah, Rin! Come on in!" he invited cheerfully. Rin walked into the room and glanced at Haru, who was lying flat on his back on a bed and staring at the ceiling. He didn't so much as glance over. Mako sat on the other bed and began toweling his hair.

"So, did you need something?" Makoto asked, looking back up.

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to Haru," Rin answered. The black-haired boy's eyes shifted to look at him.

"Alright! I was about to go check on Rei and Nagisa anyway. You know, to make sure they're all settled in and getting ready to sleep," Makoto said. Rin snorted.

"Dude, you are such a mother hen!"

Makoto blushed. "I am not! I just want to make sure they're well rested so that we can beat you tomorrow!"

"Not gonna happen!" Rin called to his friend's retreating back. He shook his head and chuckled. Then he turned back to Haru, who hadn't moved and inch. His eyes were closed too. Rin sighed. That was just like him. He made his way over and sat on the edge of Haru's bed, the mattress sinking beneath his weight. Haru opened his eyes.

"You wanted to talk?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, just about what you plan on doing after high school. Nothing serious," Rin said nonchalantly. Haru's eyes narrowed a bit. "Seriously man, you have to do something!"

"I know..."

"So do you have any ideas?"

"No."

"None?"

"Nope."

"Professional swimmer?" Rin urged. He said it with a kind of a 'duh' tone. "You have several scouts after you already. There's no way they wouldn't accept you into college with a full scholarship."

"I only swim free."

Rin's eyes narrowed. He was getting sick and tired of Haru saying that, like it would solve all of his problems. Free wasn't a career. Free wasn't a job. Free wouldn't pay the bills. Free wouldn't pay for food. Free wasn't a future. "Do you think this is a joke?" he asked incredulously. "Because no one is laughing! You can't just keep stalling! You HAVE to decide! You can swim professionally and still swim free. What are you doing right now? Competing! And your 'free' moral code is okay with that! So why can't you compete on a higher level and still be free?"

Haru didn't answer. Rin grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into a sitting position. Haru glared at him, and Rin knew that his friend felt threatened and was closing himself off to the conversation entirely. But he didn't care, he just pushed harder. "How do you think your parents feel? How do you think your friends feel? Do you really think they enjoy seeing you walk away from your life? You're almost an adult! You can't depend on others forever! They're all going to leave you, one by one! They are going to move to big cities to go to college and chase careers. You'll be stuck in an empty house in an empty town wasting your life away!"

"Back off Rin," Haru snarled. "My future is none of your business!"

"I'm making it my business, because you won't make it yours!"

"What if I don't want to become a professional swimmer?! What if I don't want to be in the spotlight, constantly being urged to perform well?! What if I don't want to be pushed that hard? Do you have any idea about being pushed too hard? You should ask Sousuke sometime!" Haru spat.

Rin's brows furrowed. "This has nothing to do with Sousuke... I don't know what you're talking about! Why wouldn't you want to be a professional swimmer? You could swim all the time, and you're good at it! You need to grab this opportunity!"

"I don't have to grab anything," Haru responded bitterly.

"JUST MAKE A DECISION, DAMMIT!" Rin yelled, pushing Haru against the wall and getting in his face. Something snapped inside of the blue-eyed boy. He slammed his fist against the wall and shoved Rin off of him.

"WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT MY FUTURE? WHAT IS IT THAT YOU THINK I HAVE? THIS IS MY LIFE, NOT YOURS! I'M NOT YOU! I'M NEVER GOING TO BE YOU!"

Rin stood there, stunned. Haru marched past him, shoulder-checking him. He slipped his tennis shoes on and strode out the door, slamming it behind him. The loud BANG rang in Rin's ears as he turned slowly to stare at the closed door. Haru had never yelled like that at him. Or at anybody, a far as Rin knew. He must've upset the guy more than he had planned.

A small part of Rin thought, " _Let him go. I don't regret anything I said, because it was all the truth. Maybe he'll think about what I said and come to reason_."

But the other half thought, " _I should go find him and apologize. Whatever I said had to have hit a tender chord. Maybe we can work through it_."

In the end, Rin turned and went back to his own hotel room. Makoto could comfort the stubborn Haruka. He closed the door louder than necessary, and when he took his shoes off he threw them against the opposite wall. Then he collapsed onto the bed. Sousuke looked up from where he was sitting in the chair in the corner, reading the line-up for tomorrow's swimmers. "What's wrong?"

Rin took in a deep breath and let it out. He remained silent and then said, "Sousuke, what's your opinion on being pushed too hard?"

Sousuke nearly dropped the papers in his hand in shock, but he managed to pull himself together. He struggled to keep his expression neutral. "Why do you ask?"

"Nothing. Just something Haru said."

Sousuke pressed his lips into a thin line. "I see. Hey, I'm gonna go grab a soda from the vending machine. You want anything?" He took Rin's silence as a yes. Crossing the room, he pulled on his jacket and sneakers and headed out. He stepped into the elevator. There was a room service boy already inside with a trolley. Sousuke went and stood in the back, leaning against the wall. They had only gone one floor down when the elevator stopped and the door opened. Nanase stepped inside. Both boy's eyes narrowed as they eyed each other warily. The room service guy gulped.

The ride down to the lobby was dead silent. Sousuke was itching to confront Nanase about what he had said to Rin, but he decided against it. It was probably about something else entirely. There was no way Haruka knew about his shoulder. He had kept the whole affair completely quiet. The only person who knew about it other than Sousuke was his old classmate Kisumi, who Sousuke hadn't seen in a very long time. So there was no reason to worry about it, and if he asked Nanase then the boy might get suspicious.

The room service boy got tired of the tension and hit the button to let himself out of the elevator. The elevator stopped on the nearest floor and the door opened. He pushed his trolley forward, but he accidentally hit the crack between the elevator and the floor too hard and the cart tipped. Towels went flying everywhere. He watched as both of the spiteful young men leapt forward to catch them except that one stopped short, gripping his shoulder as his face twisted in agony. The other young man quickly stacked the towels back on the trolley and the trolley boy retreated as quickly as possible, spewing apologies behind him.

Meanwhile, back in the elevator, the tension had reached new heights. After a few seconds, Haru spoke. "That shoulder still giving you grief?"

Sousuke's jaw dropped. "What the hell does that mean?!" he demanded, trying to hide his inner panic.

"Drop the act. I ran into Kisumi the other day," Haru replied quietly. "And I did a little Googling." Sousuke muttered a curse.

"Good for you," he spat. The elevator reached the lobby and he walked out quickly. His annoyance and hatred toward his blue-eyed competitor rolled off of him in waves. Haru waited until he had passed and then followed him out. Sousuke stopped short. It was so abrupt that Haru nearly ran into him. Suddenly, Sousuke spun around and pinned the other boy against the wall. His eyes widened as Sousuke's narrowed.

"One more thing," Sousuke growled. "I don't know what kind of sick game you're playing with Rin's head, but it stops now! I don't care what you have to do. I don't care how much you hate it. You need to decide to be a professional swimmer! Get on with your life and let Rin get on with his! I don't know why he's so obsessed with making sure you have a future, but you'd better get a future real quick." He grabbed the collar of Haru's jacket. "If I don't hear word of your decision by tomorrow, things are going to get real ugly real quick. Do. You. Understand?" His face was mere inches away from Haru's. The boy seemed to shrink beneath his lofty height and firm grip, but he stared back obstinately.

Sousuke let go of Haru and stalked away toward the vending machine. Haru, whose face would never let on that his heart was racing, walked towards the glass doors and exited the hotel. Once he got outside, he started to run. All of his thoughts and emotions blended together as he ran as fast as he could, heart pounding, breath gasping, muscles aching. He tried to escape Rin's voice echoing in his head, yelling at him. He tried to run off the dread of Sousuke's threats. The guy looked really serious.

He passed restaurants and schools and shops and light-posts. He saw groups of friends hanging out together, and he felt a rush of guilt as he thought about the worry he must be causing Makoto right now. But he shook it off and kept going. He was so conflicted, and he didn't know what to do. Normally he would go and swim, except that he didn't have access to a pool at this hour. Plus, for some reason swimming was the last thing he wanted to do. So he ran. And ran. And ran.

He must have run for forty minutes straight through the heavily lit streets. He made his way down darker streets, and into a densely wooded park. Finally, his body could take no more and he collapsed onto a park bench. The park had scarce lighting, so the bright moon was the only reason he could see. Panting, he took in his surroundings and assessed his situation. He was approximately forty minutes away from his hotel and he had no idea where he was.

Haru took in a shuddering breath and let it out again. Standing, he started walking slowly towards the direction he had come. Maybe he'd find a map once he got back onto the city streets. He walked aimlessly for ten minutes, letting his feet wander wherever they wanted to go. He finally found a lighted street, and he began walking along it. His mind felt numb, and his heart felt like it was shriveling up. One foot in the front of the other, he plodded on.

As he went to take another step forward, a sharp pain ripped through his ankle. He nearly fell, but he grabbed a street signed and staggered. He tentatively put a bit of weight on his right ankle and immediately retracted it when the pain came back. It felt like he had pulled a muscle in it. Great.

He stood there for several minutes before he forced himself to keep moving forward. Every step was a shock to his nervous system, but he gritted his teeth and kept going. He noticed a map a few hundred feet later, and found a route that would only take him twenty minutes to get back to the hotel. He wished for once that he had brought his cell phone with him. He wanted to call Makoto. Haru was no good at navigating naps. He didn't like walking alone at night. These were all things he only did with Makoto at his side. He did almost  _everything_  with Makoto at his side.

" _They're all going to leave you, one by one! They're going to go to big cities to attend college and chase careers!_ " Rin's words sent a knife through Haru's heart. It hurt worse than his ankle, and it weighed his steps down. The silence was deafening, closing in on him. On top of that, it was getting really chilly out. Despite his jacket, Haru found himself shivering. He kept going, thoughts of a worried Makoto his only motivator.

After what felt like hours, he walked into the front door of the hotel. The lights were all dimmed and the staff were nowhere in sight. Haru limped over to the elevator and pressed the button. The doors opened immediately and he dragged himself inside. Leaning against the wall, he took pressure off of his right foot and nearly sighed in relief. His throat hurt, his nose was stuffed up, and his whole body was freezing and sore. He forced himself down the hallway to the room that he and Makoto shared and opened the door. He hoped Makoto was asleep. He didn't want to have to face him right now.

The light was still on, and Makoto was sitting indian style on his bed, reading a book. Rei was in a chair playing with his phone, and Nagisa was lying flat on his back on the floor, spinning his finger in time with the ceiling fan. They a looked up. "Haru!" Nagisa squealed.

Makoto tossed the book down and rushed over. "Haru! You've been gone for hours! Where were you?" His eyes scanned the boy over. "You look awful!"

"You had us worried sick!" Rei added, walking over. "Haru, you look rather cold. And you're standing in an unnatural position."

"Just tired. I'm going to take a shower," Haru said through gritted teeth. He walked past his teammates and grabbed a towel and some clothes to sleep in before heading to the bathroom. Makoto watched him helplessly, torn between leaving his friend in the solitude that he clearly wanted, or forcing Haru to open up and tell him what was wrong. He decided to leave him be until he finished showering.

"Should we wait for him?" Nagisa asked, looking at the closed bathroom door. He sounded upset. They were all upset. Haru disappeared a lot, but never at this hour and for this long. The sound of the shower running filled the quiet atmosphere.

"I think it would be best if you two went and got some sleep. I can handle Haru tonight. He'll get overwhelmed if it's all three of us." Rei nodded in agreement. He and Nagisa headed to the door.

"Bye Haru! We'll see you tomorrow morning! I hope you feel better!" Nagisa called, banging on the bathroom door.

"Nagisa, don't yell! It's the middle of the night!" Rei hissed, grabbing the blond's pink hoodie and dragging him out of the door!

"Night Mako!"

"Good night Makoto!"

"Night!" Makoto replied tiredly. He couldn't help but smile at those two. He climbed back into his bed and stared at the ceiling. He was exhausted, and he struggled to keep his eyes opened. He had waited for Haru for two hours, what was another fifteen minutes? However, without Rei and Nagisa to keep him accountable, Makoto was snoring within three minutes.

Meanwhile, Haru was leaning against the wall of the shower, water running through his hair and into his eyes, which were already blurred from tears.

"Bye Haru! We'll see you tomorrow morning! I hope you feel better!" he heard Nagisa called. He winced. What about the days when Nagisa wouldn't be saying that anymore? This was their last summer together!

" _Haru! You've been gone for hours! Where were you?_ " Makoto must have been worried sick. Haru felt horribly guilty. His friends had been sitting there and waiting for Haru the whole time. Makoto was probably waiting for Haru right now, planning on forcing him to spill what was bothering him. The hot water burned against Haru's frozen skin, but he didn't care. It only added to the soreness of his ankle, which had travelled all the way up his calf. Add his acidic-feeling throat and throbbing heart to the mix, and there was a symphony of pain.

He had made Rin upset. Rin who was confident, who knew what the future had in store for him, who was following his dream. What was Haru's dream? He didn't know… But he didn't think competitive swimming was right for him. Sure he was good, but he'd have to get better. He'd have to constantly practice and improve. Swimming would become an obligation, a way of making ends meet. It wouldn't be fun at all. It wouldn't be soothing, it wouldn't be fun. It wouldn't be  _free_.

Then there was the fame. He didn't want everyone to know his name, and know his times. Mostly, he didn't want to hurt any more people. Maybe Rin hadn't quit swimming because of him, but not being able to beat Haru had caused Rin a lot of strife. It had caused Sousuke a lot of strife too. And now Sousuke was threatening him. What if Haru chose to competitively swim and he wasn't good enough? What if he disappointed Rin? College was a whole different ball ground. He didn't want Rin to worry. He didn't want to keep Rin from his dream.

Everyone was obsessed with times and with beating him. What if Haru just swam his best because he loved it, and he ended up beating some other young kids whose dreams were to become famous swimmers. What if him winning kept other people from qualifying. How much more heartache and strife would he have to cause? On top of that, Haru didn't even  _like_  competitive swimming. He liked the relay, because his friends were there. But his friends were all going to leave him. He also liked swimming with Rin, but that was also because Rin was his friend, and that was just the way they worked. Competitive swimming wasn't his dream. But he could do it well. What if he prevented other people from reaching their dreams just because he was a little faster?

After thirty minutes, Haru couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take the pain, and he couldn't handle his thoughts. He turned off the shower, dried himself off, and changed into his pajamas. He limped over to his bed, passing a sleeping Makoto. He thanked his lucky stars that Makoto was asleep. He had looked so tired, and Haru didn't want him asking questions that he didn't have answers to. He practically collapsed onto the bed. He hadn't even turned the light off, but he was so exhausted that he was asleep within seconds.

###

The next morning, Haruka awoke to Makoto's alarm going off. The brown-haired boy reached over and turned it off before sitting up and glancing over at Haru, who was curled up in a fetal position underneath the covers. Makoto frowned as he crossed the room. He reached down to put a hand on Haru's shoulder. "Haru, it's time to wake u-"

"I'm awake," Haru responded shortly. Makoto's hand froze and then retracted. He and Haru got ready for the day silently. They didn't say a word as they headed down to the hotel's restaurant for breakfast. Rei and Nagisa met them there.

"Haru!" Nagisa exclaimed while jumping on his friend. Haru held back a grunt as the extra weight was added to his ankle.

"Are you feeling better? Rei asked, adjusting his glasses. "You've got a race to win today!"

"We all have races to win today!" Makoto reminded them to save Haru from having to answer. That made Haru feel a little worse, because even when he was ignoring Makoto and pushing him away, the kind-hearted soul kept looking out for him. "So eat up!"

"Yeah!" Nagisa cheered, shoving a fork into his pancakes. Nagisa was so distracting that Makoto didn't have a chance to examine Haru and try to figure out what was wrong. When a beaming Gou and Ms. Amakata came over, he was pulled into a hearty conversation about the competition. He glanced over at Haru occasionally, and the boy seemed to be eating a little so that was good.

Meanwhile, Haru was inwardly dying. Seeing Rei and Nagisa's bright faces and watching Makoto worry about him just layered on the guilt. He didn't want to let them down. He didn't want to make them worry. His throat was still sore and everything he ate tasted awful and hurt going down. He could feel a cold coming on. He refused to acknowledge it though. It was the middle of summer, he couldn't get sick! His ankle hurt, but unlike yesterday the pain was bearable. He hid it to the best of his ability.

Eventually, Haru stood and walked over to the garbage can. He dumped a good two thirds of his breakfast into it. He couldn't bear to eat any more than that. He returned to the table and sat silently, hands in his lap. Occasionally Nagisa would say something and elbow him and Haru would grunt in response.

He felt like there was a lead weight in his stomach. Surely no one could swim with such added weight. The very thought of swimming made him feel a bit sick. He wasn't prepared to take the icy plunge. He didn't want to feel the water's fangs pierce him like icy knives. He didn't want to beat somebody who's dream was to go to Nationals when Haru didn't even care. He didn't want the scouts to notice him and give him offers that even he knew he would be stupid to refuse.

But looking around at his friends' faces, Haru knew he had to swim. He couldn't not swim. He would just make them more worried and upset. Makoto wouldn't do well in his own events out of worry. Nagisa would be upset and lose his usual spark. It would drag Rei down to see the person he was inspired by quit. He would hurt Rin. He would anger Sousuke.

He was the guy who swam, so swim he must. He just hoped he'd be able to make it through the day.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick update for you guys! Trying to write more frequently and not leave people hanging. This chapter is just a quick look into the reaction of the Sumezeka team to the day's events. We'll hear about Haru's condition next chapter!
> 
> Enjoy! ;)

**Chapter 3**

Rin made his way slowly back to the hotel. He didn't bother to kick off his shoes, he just collapsed onto his bed. Curling up into a fetal position, his fists clenched the sheets. He held back his tears. His best friend had nearly drowned today. Rin had stood and watched as the paramedics loaded the limp body into the stretcher and took him away. His shirt was soaked through from Makoto's tears. Makoto, who had followed the ambulance to the hospital in Ms. Amakata's car and who was probably sitting in the waiting room with Rei and Nagisa right now.

Rin knew he should be with them. But he felt like he didn't belong. It had been the same way when Haru had nearly drowned as a child. Makoto had fished him out, Makoto had called the ambulance, Makoto had ridden with Haru to the hospital. Makoto who had sat in the waiting room for hours, refusing food and comfort. Rin had stood there awkwardly, unable to comfort his friend. When little Haruka had awoken Makoto had run to him sobbing, and Haru offered a muttered comfort along with annoyance. Rin didn't want to interrupt them. He checked in with Haru really quickly and left. But this was way more serious than what had happened when they were younger. Haru had been under the water for far longer.

Maybe the reason that Rin was hiding in his dark hotel room and crying by himself instead of being there for his friends is because he didn't want to have to face Haru when he woke up. If he woke up. Because Rin had yelled at him. Rin had pushed him. What if Haru had just dropped the freestyle race? Would the boy still be lying in a hospital bed, fighting for life?

Rin's phone buzzed. Probably an update from Nagisa or Rei. He didn't want to read it, but he couldn't bear not to. He grabbed his phone, wiping his eyes with his sleeves so that he would be able to read the message. The brightness of his phone screen was blinding. He squinted and clicked on Rei's contact.

**Rei** _: It's been five hours and 27 minutes. Still no word from the doctors other than Haru is currently somewhat alive. Will update you as soon as there is news._

Rin cursed and threw his phone onto the bed. He put his head back down in his pillow. He heard the door unlock and open. He closed his eyes, praying for Sousuke to leave him alone. He didn't want to appear weak in front of the strongest person he knew. He hated breaking down.

Sousuke entered the hotel room to find Rin curled up on his bed, fists clenched and eyes shut. He knew Rin was faking because of how tightly his eyes were closed. His cheeks were still damp, and there was a single tear trail running down his face. Sousuke paused, pulling off his tennis shoes. He didn't really know what to do at this point. He glanced at his watch. It was only around 7:00pm. The day's events had finished at 6:00pm. He knew that he should be making Rin get up and go talk to his team, evaluate the scores and times, and announce the relay decisions. If there was even going to be a relay. Sousuke's heart tightened in his chest.

He might have borderline hated Haruka Nanase, but he was no monster. He hoped that the boy was okay, if not for his sake then for Rin's. A small part of him felt guilty. He had backed Nanase up against a wall and yelled at him the other night. He was just so  _mad_. Nanase had so much talent. He could go all the way to the top. He could do what Sousuke would never be able to. And that made Sousuke jealous. But it was even worse when Nanase started distracting Rin, because all Sousuke wanted was for Rin to live his dream, to do what Sousuke couldn't. He was just so confused!

Sousuke sighed. His glanced over at his friend's dark maroon locks, which were sprawled around his face in an untidy fashion. The dark-haired swimmer grabbed a blanket off of the chair in the corner and threw it over Rin's form, even straightening the edges a bit. The gesture felt a bit odd, as Sousuke and Rin never really did the whole 'tough-love" thing for each other. Normally they'd fight over who got the extra blanket. They fought over everything. Sousuke frowned. Rin looked so fragile right now, so unready to fight. He turned and left the room, going to rally Rin's swim team and do what Rin couldn't.

####

Aiichiro Nitori brushed his bangs out of his face and watched in horror as his captain, former roommate, and close friend crumpled on the tiled ground. Nanase was being hauled away by the paramedics, who were being chased by Nagisa and Rei. Gou dragged Makoto along behind them. His large frame seemed to cave in on itself as the tears streamed down his face.

Sousuke walked up behind him. Nitori turned to look at him. "What do we do?" he mouthed. Sousuke turned to look at Rin and shrugged, mouth hardening. A pool worker came over and glanced at them both, silently asking them to move the broken boy away from the events. Sousuke walked over and put a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Yo, you're in the way," Sousuke said quietly. It may have seem gruff, but Rin dragged himself to his feet and let Sousuke lead him over to the stadium seats. He collapsed into one of the seats and put his head in his hands.

"Why why why why why," he muttered, hands curled through his hair. Nitori turned to sit next to the distraught captain, but Sousuke tapped him on the head and gestured towards the group of Sumezuka swimmers rushing over. Ai understood immediately; Rin hated sympathy and hated people seeing him even the least bit upset. Ai rushed over to turn his team-mates back around, switching his sunny persona to that of a drill sergeant as he ordered them to go and prepare for their own events. Some of them complained but they listened anyway.

Ai glanced over his shoulder at Rin. Sousuke was sitting next to him, saying something. Rin said something back, something harsh. Sousuke got up and walked away. "Leave him be, he needs to be alone," he commanded. Ai nodded and turned to follow the taller boy back to the team, where they took Rin's job for the day.

Ai ended up doing pretty well in his race, but he knew he could've done better. A lot of his motivation came from Rin and seeing the boy he looked up to so much break down like that…. It weighed on Nitori's heart. He didn't drop his race though, because he knew Rin would be pissed. Super pissed. Mega ultra super duper pissed. Sousuke didn't drop his either. In fact, he seemed to throw himself at the water with even more passion and anger than usual and creamed the competition.

At the end of the day, just as the custodians were wheeling out their yellow buckets and their "Caution, Wet Floor" signs, Nitori went down to the grandstands. He watched as a man with a whistle approached Rin and spoke to him, pointing at the door. Rin nodded sullenly and stood, shuffling towards the exit. His face looked so completely empty that it made Nitori's heart throbbed. He would take Rin yelling at him any day over this.

"Rin!" he called, hopping down the stairs and pulling alongside his friend. Rin barely looked up. "Are you going to the hospital?" he asked softly.

"No," Rin whispered in reply, his voice raw with emotion he was trying to hide. He turned and left, leaving Nitori standing there alone.

"Sir, like I told your friend I really need you to exit the building. We're about to lock up," the man with the whistle repeated, sounding aggravated. Nitori shook his head to snap himself out of his daze.

"Yes, right. Sorry sir!" he trotted towards the door and out into the parking lot, where Sousuke was climbing into his black pick-up truck. "Hey Sousuke! Can you give me a ride to the hospital? Pleeaasseee?" He gave the boy what Rin called his "oh-my-gosh-stop-why-this-why-me-screw-it-fine-you-can-have-what-you-want" puppy dog eyes. They didn't work as fast on Sousuke as they would have on Rin, but Sousuke finally gave in.

"Get in the truck."

Nitori climbed into the passenger seat and slammed the door. The ride to the hospital was silent, as Nitori really wasn't quite sure what to say to start a conversation and Sousuke was never a fan of small talk anyway. They pulled up in the hospital parking lot and Nitori scrambled out of the front seat.

"Do you need a ride back?" Sousuke asked as an afterthought.

Nitori waved him off. "I'm fine! I'll just take the bus!" he said brightly. He walked over to the hospital door and asked the receptionist about Nanase Haruka. She glanced at his school uniform, recognizing that he must be another swimmer. She told him which waiting room to go to and he took off down the long maze of corridors. He finally found the waiting room in the emergency unit.

Nagisa was curled up in one of the chairs, flicking through his phone and looking miserable. Rei was reading a National Geographic magazine, but his glasses were on the table beside him so he was really just looking at a blurry scramble of words. Makoto seemed completely zoned out, staring at the ceiling. Gou, the dark-haired woman that came to the tournaments, and the loud blonde man were sitting in one of the corners. Gou was nursing a cup of tea. Her hands were shaking a bit.

Nagisa glanced up. "Oh hey Ai," he greeted, trying to smile a bit. Nitori immediately felt awkward. He hadn't really thought this through. He was planning on going to the hospital for Rin so that he could see if Nanase was okay and report back to him. That was Rin wouldn't have to step foot in the hospital or find out through text.

"Oh, um, hello Nagisa," Ai responded, foot scuffing the ground. "I don't suppose you've heard anything about Haruka?"

"Nope," Nagisa sighed. "But he's gotta be okay right? He's gotta… He's Haru! He's just gotta…" Tears welled up inside of the boy's bright eyes and Rei glanced over at Ai in annoyance, clearly upset that the gray-haired boy had made Nagisa upset again. They were all trying to avoid the mention of whether or not Haru was going to be okay.

"Of course he'll be okay Nagisa. He's strong! He'll make it through!" Rei put his glasses back on and went to sit next to Nagisa, putting a hand on the smaller boy's shoulder. Nagisa clung to Rei's arm likes a life-line.

"It's been  _hours_!" Makoto suddenly spoke, sitting upright. Ai blinked. "Why has it taken this long?  _Why_?"

"Well if Haruka was…. Not…. Um…. You know, they would've told you by now right?" Ai asked nervously. "So he has to be fighting. He's a really strong and determined person! I know he'll make it through!"

Makoto mumbled something and turned away from them, probably crying again. Ai sat down. "So, why are you here?" Nagisa asked, trying to distract himself.

"I just thought I'd wait for information…"

"Where's Rin?"

"He said he wasn't going to come… I don't think he could bear to sit in a hospital and wait for news…"

"What about his duties as captain?" Rei chimed in.

"Sousuke'll take care of it. Samuzeka doesn't have a swim team vice-captain but if they did Sousuke would be it. They'll listen to him…" Nitori smiled faintly.

"Yamazaki?" Rei questioned.

"Yeah him… I knew I could come wait here with you guys because he'll take care of Rin. I'm sure news will come soon! Just five more minutes, you'll see!"

Nitori pulled out his phone and double checked his texts. He blanched when he saw the small red "57". He bet most of them were from Momo. The kid did not know how to not spam people.

 **Momo** :  _dude were r u_

 **Momo** :  _why weren't u on the buss_

 **Momo** :  _buss*_

 **Momo** :  _bus*_

 **Momo** :  _im bored_

 **Momo** :  _is rin oka?_

 **Momo** :  _okay*_

 **Momo** :  _sousk just came ur nit with him_

 **Momo** :  _are u good dude_

 **Momo** :  _souske says your at the hopital_

 **Momo** :  _r you waiting for news about nanase?_

 **Momo** :  _us he okay_

 **Momo** :  _is*_

 **Momo** :  _Sousuke says to leave rin alone_

 **Momo** :  _were supposed to go out and have fun 2 clebrate_   _a good day_

 **Momo** :  _probly to make us go away_

 **Momo** :  _cmon duddddeeee no fun without you_

 **Momo** :  _AIIIIIII_

 **Momo** :  _fine I see how it is_

 **Momo** :  _text me when you have news about nanase : (_

 **Sousuke Yamazaki** :  _Nitori please contact me when you have news about Nanase. And please come to our hotel room when you get back. #782. You're better at comforting that I am._

Nitori rolled his eyes at Momo's texts and frowned when he saw Sousuke's. He shot them a couple of texts back.

 **"To Momo":**   _Chill man. Your grammar is horrendous. I'm at the hospital. No news yet. Have fun! ;)_

 **"To Sousuke":**   _How is he?_

He put his phone down and picked up a sports magazine. Two minutes later, his phone buzzed. He opened his message from Sousuke. It was a picture of Rin, lying in a bed underneath a blanket. He appeared to be curled up and sleeping, but the area around his eyes was puffy and he was gripping the blanket a little too hard. Nitori's teeth clenched. He stared at his phone for a few minutes.

 **"To Rin":**   _*cat meme*_

He turned his phone off and picked up his magazine, ready to faithfully wait until news arrived. It was gonna be a long night.

###

Rin opened his eyes as soon as Sousuke left and stared at the cracks on the ceiling, trying to reconcile with himself. Suddenly his phone buzzed. He reached over and was again blinded by the light emitted by the screen.

 **Ai:**   _*cat meme*_

He let the corner of his mouth tilt upwards ever so slightly.

 **"To Ai":**   _Thx_


End file.
